You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
tell me about the fingering
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