so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
