You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
