I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
