her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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