just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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