eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
