Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
