he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
should my penis look like a turkey
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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