he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
