Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
