what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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