I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
