New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
