Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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