I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just high enough for therapy.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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