Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
