She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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