You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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