In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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