mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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