Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I pour the whiskey from now on
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
