If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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