there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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