How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
