mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
