He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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