we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
