like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
