I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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