that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
