if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
