eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I am mentally ready for anal.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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