Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
