how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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