they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
