and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
