He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
