Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's never too late to be topless.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize