Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
