There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
