I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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