I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
