He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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