wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
