So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Randomize