thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize