No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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