i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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