it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
