That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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