She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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