wanna go halves on a baby?
handjob tips. give me some.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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