apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
