woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
