How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize