Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
