Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
