Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We had sex on a dog bed..
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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