this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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