Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
