they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
