all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
