dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
