They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
