i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize