I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
