You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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