WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize