god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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