So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
