please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
and she was petting her beer can
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize