she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
