I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
