there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
