Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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