my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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