He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
