I could make wine with my vomit
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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