Can i not drive my cunt home
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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