we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
