I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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