Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
