His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
