We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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