Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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