I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize