I am in a vortex of obligation.
too bad you live with your parents still
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
