the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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