he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
