Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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