how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
