dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
