It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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