Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
