Nicole vs. Life
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize