farters have to be the big spoon...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
