Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
