What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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