I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
