the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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