I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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