Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
