Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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