sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
