Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
3 2 1 whiskey
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
