I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
