u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
