I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
